5 Anxiety Busting Tips for Men

Anxiety does not discriminate. Men are socialized to believe that they’re not supposed to suffer from anxiety, or that anxiety makes them ‘weak’…but the truth is…anxiety effects all of us.

As a male therapist that specializes in working with men in Greensboro and Winston-Salem, I know that it’s the silent battles within that can become the most daunting.

Here are Five Practical Tips that offer a path to clarity and calm in the face of anxiety:

Anxiety Busting Tip #1: Keep It Simple

Anxiety often manifests itself by creating a sense of dread and complication about the future. I know many men with anxiety can find themselves drawn inside of their heads trying to figure out and solve problems…hoping that they can plan and prepare and chart out every possible scenario in order to find a sense of Peace and Calm inside.

I get it, and it makes sense. Oftentimes we have over-analytical parts of us that only know how to over-analyze…this is all they know and what they do best. This over-analytical part may find itself thinking things like:

If X happens, then I can do Y. If Y happens then I’ll do Z. But if Z happens I can do A and B or C, but if D happens then I can do E…

Our analytical part is really trying to help us solve the problem, but unfortunately, it can end up being a trap that men get stuck in and don’t know how to get out. When our analytical parts start to rev up and begin making situations complicated, it can often be helpful to remind yourself that it’s okay to keep it simple. You don’t have to argue or dismiss or shame your analytical part…simply remind it of a simple truth that it can remember to help it feel safe enough to take a break. 

Here are a phrases that keep it simple:

• Right now, at this exact moment, I am safe. 

• Right now, at this exact moment, I still have my job.

• Right now, I only need to get through today. 

• Right now, at this exact moment, I don’t need to make any decisions.

• Right now, at this exact moment, I only need to focus on breathing.

These reminders can help men’s analytical side know that it’s actually okay for them to take a break or rest, because in this moment, you don’t need to figure it all out.

Anxiety Busting Tip #2: Find Your Ground

Anxiety can create a whole host of uncomfortable physical sensations in men: 

• Rapid heartbeat

• Shallow breath

• Tension in spots in your body

• Jitteriness in your hands

• Butterflies in your stomach

Those physical sensations can quickly become the only thing we notice. But there are usually locations in our bodies that feel more grounded…places in our body that feel more stable, stronger, firmer, more comfortable and at peace.

When you experience anxiety, scan your body and look for those grounded places. You may find that while some places in your body feel those uncomfortable physical sensations linked to anxiety…there are actually other places that feel more grounded:

Here are places in your body that may feel more grounded:

• The sole of your left foot coming into contact with the ground.

• Your right hand feeling the firmness of your thigh.

• The bottom of your thighs feeling the stability of the chair you’re sitting in 

• The sturdiness of the chair meeting your upper back.  

Draw your attention to those grounded places within you. Notice those places, and simply allow the uncomfortable physical sensations to be, as you allow those grounded places to be present with them.  By connecting with, and allowing both to be present, you’ll begin to realize that you’re not only feeling those uncomfortable sensations…there are places in your body that also feel stable, strong, calm, and at peace.

Anxiety Busting Tip #3: Recall Memories of Peace/Calm Within

Just like it can be helpful to Find Your Ground in the midst of uncomfortable physical sensations, it can also be helpful to remember and recall memories of Peace and Calm.

For example:

Remember what your body felt like when you were hiking in the Bethabara Trail with your partner? How did it feel in your stomach? How did it feel in your chest? How did it feel in your head?

Remember what it felt like in your head and body that time when you sat by Salem Lake as the leaves changed in the Fall?

What about as you sat on the beach at the Outer Banks and watched the sunrise?

Draw to mind those physical sensations, and allow those to be present in your head and body along with any uncomfortably physical sensations you may be experiencing. It’s about remembering the calm that you felt in your head you were in those places, but, it’s also about recalling those sensations in your body, and allowing the Peace and Calm of those moments to exist and live in your body along with any uncomfortable.

Anxiety Busting Tip #4: Meet Anxiety with Curiosity and Compassion

Psychologist  Carl Jung once said, “what you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.” This is a truth about men’s anxiety as well. Many times men believe that they need to meet their anxiety with anger and force…trying to demand that anxiety bend to their own will and trying to shut it down. But…

“What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.”

The 2nd and 3rd Tips in this article are built around helping you allow the anxiety to be present along with other grounded and Calm aspects of yourself. Rather than trying to shove down, suppress, or force down the anxiety, you learned how to allow to to exist along with your grounding place in Tip #2. Rather than try to make your anxiety disappear, you learn how to allow it to exist along with the physical and mental sensations of your past place of Calm and Peace. 

This fourth tip builds on the past two tips. When we can approach our anxiety with a sense of curiosity and compassion, our anxiety will actually feel heard and will relax.

Trying to resist our anxiety and shut it down is like trying to ignore a baby with a dirty diaper - the baby is not going to stop crying until you change the diaper. The baby is crying because it has something important to tell you!  But once you hear the message that the babies diaper is dirty and you change the diaper, the baby will stop crying.

Our anxiety is the same way. When we approach our anxiety with compassion and curiosity, we can hear the message that our anxiety is trying so desperately to communicate with us. If you’re wondering what you would even ask your anxiety if you were to try to contact it with curiosity and compassion, here’s a list of questions I frequently ask client’s anxious parts in therapy from the Internal Family Systems tradition:

1. How old are you?

2. How did it get this job of being anxious all the time?

3. What do you want me to know?

4. What else does it want me to know? 

5. If you didn’t have to be anxious, what would you rather do?

Anxiety Busting Tip #5: Stay Open to Possibilities

When men begin to get anxious, oftentimes it feels as if the walls are closing in around them. It can begin to feel as if there are no good options. But the truth is, life is swirling with possibilities. After you have worked through Tips 1-4, allow yourself to imagine what possibilities may exist that you may be closed off to receiving.

When we can only see life as black and white, and believe there are no options existing for us, it’s a good sign that we are in fight or flight mode - where we are not going to be able to be open to receiving new possibilities. Minds often find themselves grasping tightly in these moments to the way things “have” to be. 

One great question you can ask yourself is - 

If the thing I am afraid of happening happens - what new thing may arise from it that I have not considered?

If you can’t think of an answer, that’s okay. You may ask yourself,

If the thing I am afraid of happening happens - is it possible that something new arises from the situation that I’m not currently seeing?

You don’t even have to know what it will be…just imagine that perhaps, it could happen. Even believing in a 5% chance, or a 1% change, or a .1% chance that something new and different could arise from the event that you can’t yet see or grasp can help our anxiety to lessen. 

Conclusion

These five anxiety-busting tips for men in Winston-Salem offer valuable strategies to tackle anxiety and promote well-being. As a male counselor who specializes in helping men with anxiety, I can attest first hand that these tips really can make a difference.

Here they are for you one more time:

1. Keep It Simple

2. Find Your Ground

3. Recall Memories of Peace/Calm Within

4. Meet Anxiety with Curiosity and Compassion

5. Stay Open to Possibilities

These tips encourage a more balanced approach to handling anxiety, empowering men to embrace a more peaceful and grounded existence through self-awareness and self-compassion. 

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Wishing you the best on your mental health journey.

Hi, I’m Travis.

My clients describe me as calm, compassionate, and curious…

You have these qualities inside you at your core too. You just need a little help uncovering them.

If anxiety is getting the best of you, I can help you re-connect with who you really are: confident, calm, courageous, compassionate, and connected to yourself and others.

Travis Jeffords - LCMHCA | MDiv. | Male Counselor

In-person counselor: Greensboro & Winston-Salem

Virtual counselor: North Carolina

Licensed Counselor

Please note: The information provided in this blog is for general informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional counseling or therapy. The content presented here is based on my professional knowledge, personal experiences and research, but it should not be considered as a replacement for individualized mental health advice.

Every individual is unique, and the content provided may not be applicable to everyone's specific circumstances. It is important to consult with a licensed mental health professional regarding your specific concerns and to receive personalized guidance tailored to your needs.