Unblending from Your Angry Part: A Brief Meditation for Men
Your muscles begin to tense.
Your heart starts pounding.
Your breath becomes shallow.
You are angry.
But what do you do next?...
In this post I’ll give you a brief guided meditation when you find yourself angry. Within 90 seconds, this meditation will help you shift your perspective to gain a sense of distance and relationship to your anger instead of feelings overwhelmed and taken over by it.
Anger is a Part
One of the core beliefs of Internal Family Systems (IFS), a therapy modality that I tend to draw from as a Men’s counselor in Greensboro and Winston-Salem, is that we are made up of different parts. Angry parts, sad parts, anxious parts…they’re all different parts of us, and they’re all trying to help the best way they know how.
One of the goals of IFS is that we learn to be in relationship to our parts, rather than have our parts completely take us over, or, blend with us.
When a part takes you over, you are unable to get any sense of separation between you and the part. You ‘become’ anger, instead of having a relationship to your anger…and there’s a big difference there, both in how it feels, and the actions and behaviors that result.
When men have “anger problems”, what is actually happening is their angry part is taking over and blending with them, and they momentarily lose the ability to be in relationship with that part.
It can be understandably difficult for men to separate and get any space between us and our anger, or angry part, when the part comes on strong.
I’ve adapted a super brief meditation by mindfulness teacher Loch Kelly, which I first heard about from Christine Dixon. This meditation specifically targets your angry part, and helps you get a sense of separation between you and your angry part.
Brief Guided Meditation for Anger
When you start to feel your angry part come on strong, I invite you to try the following meditation.
Simply take some deep breaths and say each phrase slowly 3-5 times. Notice what happens internally, inside yourself, as you progress through the phrases.
The meditation begins with you acknowledging your angry part and recognizing how it feels blended with you. As the meditation progresses, it will invite you to slowly get a little bit more separation and distance from your angry part - to be in relationship to it, and eventually, to simply allow it to be with you, as a welcome part of you.
Here it is:
Say each slowly 3-4 times.
Guided Meditation for Anger
I am angry.
I feel angry.
I am aware of my anger.
I am aware a part of me is angry.
I am calm and compassionate, and a part of me is angry.
All parts of me are welcome here, all parts of me are trying to help.
Next Steps…
After you finish the guided meditation, hopefully you will now have the ability to be in relationship with your angry part, rather than completely blended with it. From that place, you can begin to get curious about what it is trying to tell you.
You may try asking it any or all of the following questions to learn a little more about how the angry part is attempting to help:
What do you want me to know?
What are you worried would happen if you weren’t angry right now?
Are there any other emotions/parts you are trying to protect right now?
Are there any boundaries inside me that you’re trying to alert me have been crossed?
What is there something you’re trying to show me that I need right now?
Conclusion
When anger starts to consume you, it can be overwhelming, but remember - anger is just one part of you, trying to express itself in the best way it knows how.
By practicing this brief guided meditation, you can gain a sense of separation from your angry part, allowing you to observe it from a place of calm and compassion.
Remember that all parts of you are welcome, and each part is trying to help in its own way. By practicing this meditation regularly, you can develop a healthier relationship with your anger and improve your ability to respond to it constructively.
Wishing you the best on your mental health journey.
Hi, I’m Travis.
My clients describe me as calm, compassionate, and curious…
You have these qualities inside you at your core too. You just need a little help uncovering them.
If you’re dominated by anger, anxiety, shame, or self-criticism, I can help you re-connect with who you really are: confident, calm, courageous, compassionate, and connected to yourself and others.
Travis Jeffords - LCMHCA | MDiv. | Male Counselor
In-person counselor: Greensboro & Winston-Salem
Virtual counselor: North Carolina
Licensed Counselor
Please note: The information provided in this blog is for general informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional counseling or therapy. The content presented here is based on my professional knowledge, personal experiences and research, but it should not be considered as a replacement for individualized mental health advice.
Every individual is unique, and the content provided may not be applicable to everyone's specific circumstances. It is important to consult with a licensed mental health professional regarding your specific concerns and to receive personalized guidance tailored to your needs.