Breaking the Cycle: Addressing Generational Anxiety in Men

If you’re reading this - you’ve probably had that ‘oh shit!’ moment. The one where you recognize not only are YOU anxious, but actually your anxiety has been passed down from your parents who are anxious, who got it from their parents who are anxious, etc., etc.

Breaking that cycle can seem like a tall order at first.

You don’t have to carry the weight of generational anxiety on your shoulders for the rest of your life. Learn how to liberate yourself and rewrite your family's emotional legacy in this blog post.

Understanding Generational Anxiety

Generational anxiety, like an invisible thread, weaves its way through family systems, passing down from one generation to another. It is a complex web of thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors that are ingrained in the fabric of family dynamics.

Children observe how their parents navigate life's challenges and internalize their responses, often adopting similar patterns when faced with stressful situations. Here are two examples:

Your mom always worried and talked non-stop about the about the worst possible thing that was going to happen. You learned and picked up on that pattern too.
Your dad dealt with anxiety by working non-stop in the office and coming home late and drinking. You witnessed and picked up on that pattern as well.

But just because you were raised in that environment, doesn’t mean you’re destined to live out your parents’ anxiety in the same way for the rest of your life. Therapy can absolutely help, particularly, a therapy modality called Internal Family Systems.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) Approach to Generational Anxiety

The Internal Family Systems (IFS) model is like a supercharged therapy approach when it comes to tackling generational anxiety. It digs deep into the internal workings of our minds, specifically the interactions between different parts or "subpersonalities" within us. By diving into these inner systems, IFS gives us the tools to heal and transform those deep-rooted emotional patterns, including the ones passed down through generations that contribute to anxiety.

IFS says we all have multiple parts within us. Most people think of the different characters in the Disney movie Inside Out - that shows different personified emotional beings inside the main character - a joy character, an angry character, a sad character…that’s exactly what IFS is getting at here. The individual parts within us all have their own unique emotions, beliefs, and desires, and sometimes they get along really well, while other times they clash like oil and water.

In the case of generational anxiety, some of our parts have absorbed the anxiety, fear, or unresolved emotions from our family tree. But here's the cool thing about IFS: it sees anxiety not as a sign of weakness, but as a way our parts try to protect us.

When we feel threatened or overwhelmed, anxiety steps in like a superhero (albeit a bit too hyperactive). IFS therapy helps us get to know these anxious parts and build a compassionate relationship with them.

4 Steps for Unburdening Generational Anxiety

If this is all sounding too up in the clouds and you’re desiring something more tangible and concrete to grab a hold of, here are four steps in the process of unburdening your generational anxiety through IFS influenced therapy that happen when I’m working with clients.

Sometimes parts 1 and 2 are flipped in order, but if you’re reading this blog post, you’ve probably already recognized that legacy burdens of generational anxiety are an issue.

Recognizing the Legacy Burdens:

The first step is to become aware of the burdens that have been inherited from previous generations. This includes identifying patterns of anxiety, trauma, limiting beliefs, and unprocessed emotions that have been passed down.

2. Engaging your Parts with Curiosity:

Through a curious and compassionate mindset, individuals explore their parts that are burdened by legacy burdens and generational anxiety. These parts, when they feel safe, will open up about why they have felt the need to hold onto that anxiety for so long, and about the fears they hold that keep them from letting go of that anxiety all together. Parts will often share the specific memories or burdens that they’ve been holding onto that they inherited from their parents, or grandparents, or other ancestors.

3. Unburdening:

Once a connection is established, individuals can support their parts in releasing the burdens they have carried. This involves providing empathy, compassion, and validation to these parts, acknowledging their experiences, and facilitating their healing.

4. Discovering How the Part Wants to Live Going Forward:

As the unburdening process unfolds, you can help the part that has been carrying your generational anxiety to free itself of the anxiety and let it go when it feels ready. Then, the part can be free to live in the way that has always wanted to, but has been unable to before.

Maybe the part that has been weighed down by generational anxiety has always wanted to try to take a big career move, but has been too afraid to do so before. Maybe that part simply wants to help remind you to live in the present moment with your family or loved ones.

Once the part is unburdened - it can take on those new roles in your life and find the freedom to help facilitate your flourishing.

My Own Legacy Unburdening

I believe so much in IFS influenced therapy, because it has worked wonders in my own life.

During my own therapy (yes, therapists have therapists), I became distinctly aware of traumatic, anxiety producing moments from my parents’ and grandparents’ lives that had been passed down to me.

I connected with a specific moment when my dad had received a significant injury as a child that would affect the rest of his life - both physically, but also emotionally.

I connected with specific memories from my Latina grandparents, and the anxiety they felt to fit in to dominant white culture as a way of achieving financial stability.

I knew that these moments existed before, but, it wasn’t until IFS that I became aware of the kind of psychic toll these moments played in the lives of my family, and in myself as well.

Through IFS therapy, my parts that carried those generational anxiety burdens were able to set them free - as the parts realized that they were carrying my parents’ and grandparents’ anxiety, and not their own.

To the parts, it felt like if they had been carrying a backpack filled with rocks around their whole life, and one day they looked inside the backpack and realized that it wasn’t their backpack after all!

Next Steps

Addressing generational anxiety and unburdening legacy burdens is crucial for men who struggle with anxiety. The impact of intergenerational patterns and unresolved emotions can be significant, affecting not only individual well-being but also the overall health of future generations. By recognizing the inheritance of anxiety and the burdens passed down through family systems, men can gain a deeper understanding of their own experiences and find empowerment in breaking the cycle.

But here’s the reality - too many men do nothing, and continue to struggle with anxiety for years. So, here’s an invasion to do something concrete today:

I want to offer you a valuable resource to further support your journey. I've created a video that outlines The 5 Coping Skills Every Man Needs to Know. In this video, you'll discover practical tools and techniques to navigate anxiety and foster emotional resilience.

Simply enter your email below to access the free video.

You absolutely can break free from the chains of generational anxiety and create a life filled with emotional strength, fulfillment, and authentic connection. Start your journey today and embrace the possibilities that await you.

Wishing you the best on your mental health journey.