Cracking the Code: 5 Men's Communication Mistakes that Breed Anger in Relationships

In the realm of relationships, healthy communication acts as a powerful catalyst for understanding and emotional harmony. However, most men are simply never taught how to communicate in ways that lead to thriving relationships. Most men are trying their best, but without knowing it, are communicating in ways that continue to lead to frustration and anger in relationships.

Here are 5 Ways Men Communicate with Their Partner’s That Breeds Anger and Frustration:

Analyzing

Analyzing refers to the process of examining something in detail, breaking it down into its constituent parts, and studying the relationships between those parts. It involves a systematic and critical examination to understand the nature, structure, or functioning of the subject being analyzed. Analysis often involves identifying patterns, trends, or causes and effects.

Analyzing is a key part of many men’s jobs, and something they have to learn to do day in and day out to succeed in their careers. However, analyzing your partner’s comments is going to lead to frustration and anger in the relationship.

Here are some examples of comments that use analysis that will result in increased tension and frustration in the relationship:

"You prioritize work over spending time with me because I’m not important to you at all. You would rather succeed in work than in your relationship.”
"You never listen to me when I'm talking because my thoughts and opinions don't matter to you, because you secretly believe the whole world should revolve around you".
"You're never satisfied with anything I do because you’re treating me just like your father and taking out your anger at him on me”.

2. Diagnosing

Diagnosing often requires specialized knowledge or expertise in a particular field, such as medicine or technology, to make an accurate assessment. When men give a diagnosis of their partner’s behavior, it’s going to be met with resistance. Your partner is not going to feel understood, but rather, like they are being dismissed and told there’s something wrong with them.

Here are examples of diagnosing in a relationship that your partner are going to be met with frustration and anger by your partner:

"You're so bipolar. One minute you're happy, and the next you're angry."
“I think you have ADHD. You can never focus on anything I tell you."
"You're so OCD about cleanliness. It's like you have obsessive-compulsive disorder."
“Why do you get so nervous around my parents? You must have social-anxiety. You need to go see someone about that”.

3. Comparing

Comparing involves examining two or more things to identify similarities and differences between them. Again, this may be a valuable skill in your professional life, but your partner is not going to appreciate being compared to someone else. Your partner wants to be seen, appreciated, and accepted for all of who they are, not diminished for not being someone else.

Here are some examples of comparing that lead to frustration:

"Why can't you be more like [insert name]? He's always attentive and thoughtful."
"You know, my ex and I never used to fight about this."
"You should be more like [insert name]. She always wanted to have sex”.

4. Judging

Judging involves forming an opinion or making an evaluation about something or someone based on certain criteria or standards. It often implies making a decision or rendering a verdict about the value, quality, or appropriateness of the subject being judged.

"You're too emotional. Can't you control yourself?"
"I can't believe you made that mistake. You're so careless."
"You're always criticizing me. Maybe you should take a look at yourself first."

5. Interpreting

Interpretation involves explaining or giving meaning to something. Oftentimes the interpretations men give to their partners can leave them feeling misunderstood, criticized, or reduced. Rather than interpret for your partner what they’re feeling - you can get curious to try to understand and see the world from their perspective.

Here are some examples:

"I know what you really meant when you said that. You're just trying to manipulate me."
"You didn't answer my text right away. It must mean you're avoiding me or hiding something."
"You didn't say 'I love you' today. I guess you're mad at me or don't care anymore."

Next Steps…

Effective communication is essential for building and maintaining a healthy, fulfilling relationship. However, it's crucial to recognize that men, like anyone else, can sometimes fall into negative communication patterns.

If any of the examples from this article sound familiar to you, noticing and becoming aware of the prevalence of these communication styles is a great first step.

Oftentimes, when we find ourselves communicating in less-than-ideal ways, part of what’s happening is that our own bodies and nervous system are dysregulated and in fight-or-flight mode. When we’re in that worked up space, it’s biologically impossible for us to communicate with openness and empathy.

To further support the development of healthier communication skills, and to learn how to move back into a space of calm so that you can communicate with your partner better, I have a free video resource, "The 5 Coping Skills Men Need to Know." This video provides valuable insights and practical coping strategies specifically tailored for men.

By fostering a non-judgmental and supportive environment, we can cultivate relationships built on trust, empathy, and mutual growth.

By investing in your communication skills and striving to create a nurturing atmosphere, you can build stronger, more resilient relationships that promote emotional well-being and fulfillment for both partners.

Too many men struggle with anger and find themselves in relationship conflict for years before they reach out and get the help they need. That doesn’t have to be you.

Wishing you the best on your mental health journey.