Peeling Back the Layers: 40 Feelings That Fuel Men's Anger

What if anger is just the tip of the iceberg?

Could there be a world of emotions submerged beneath the visible surface?

In this post you’ll discover 40 possible emotions that could be beneath the surface of men’s anger, frustration, irritation, and rage.

I Sat With My Anger…

There’s a famous quote attributed to CS Lewis that says “I sat with my anger long enough til she told me her real name was grief”.

I searched online and honestly couldn’t find where he actually said that or the context around it, but this quote rings very true in my own life and the lives of the client’s I’ve worked with.

Oftentimes we have an Angry part that dominates our life…but through therapy, when we get to know our Angry part within us, it turns out that the Angry part is actually trying to help us because it’s afraid of what would happen if we had to hear and feel from other parts containing emotions that may be uncomfortable for us.

In fact, just recognizing this within us - “oh, my Angry part is actually trying to protect me from experiencing a part that holds deep grief at the loss of my first marriage” - can help us to find a new sense of gratitude and appreciation for the work that our Angry part is trying to do.

So what emotions could be beneath your Anger?

If you can sit with your own Anger with a sense of Curiosity, your Anger will eventually reveal the deeper part or emotion that it is protecting.

Here are 40 Emotions that Anger Tries to Protect:

Betrayal
Hurt
Disappointment
Sadness
Insecurity
Powerlessness
Rejection
Jealousy
Fear
Resentment
Shame
Embarrassment
Guilt
Regret
Injustice
Vulnerability
Grief
Envy
Disgust
Loss
Isolation
Helplessness
Unworthiness
Betrayal
Misunderstood
Neglected
Disempowerment
Disconnection
Inadequacy
Futility
Sorrow
Impatience
Exhaustion
Overwhelm
Resentment
Loneliness
Abandoned
Hopelessness
Sadness
Irritation

If you’re having trouble making contact with these deeper emotions on your own, that’s totally normal. Most of us really need a therapist to act as a guide in our own internal world and help us really become clear about what other parts or emotions are underneath our Anger.

The important first steps are:

To open to the idea that there may be more going on inside of you emotionally than you are aware of, and…
To be open to the idea that your Anger may actually be trying to help you in it’s own way, by trying to keep you from experiencing emotions or parts of yourself that it may fear will be painful or difficult to access.

Next Steps…

Sometimes our Anger can actually come on so strong that it feels scary or overwhelming. In those moments, it can be difficult to try to connect with it or listen to what it has to say because it is just so loud and in your face.

In those moments, it can be helpful to have a few ways, at least initially, of helping the Anger to dial back a little bit so you can become curious about it.

I’ve made a free video called “The 5 Coping Skills that All Men Need to Know” which you can access below. It will give you 5 research based ways of helping dial your anger back a notch when it starts to overwhelm you.