These are the three common lies men believe that keep them feeling frustrated, stuck, and out of control in their relationship and in life.

1. It Is My Partner’s Fault

Yes. Your partner has flaws, issues, and growing to do.

And…you do too. We all do. That’s okay, growing seems to be one of the things we’re put in the world to do.

But here’s the deal - when you convince yourself that things are entirely your partner’s fault, you only hurt yourself.

If you believe the lie that it’s all your partners fault, you may find yourself running from relationship to relationship. With every new relationship, you’ll believe you have finally found someone who is “the one”, and will “complete” you. But…then the inevitable will happen. You’ll discover something is wrong with them, and soon the relationship starts to fall apart, just like your previous relationships have.

The cast on stage may have changed, but they’re all still acting out the same parts. Next time, you swear, you will find a better partner. But each time, it is the same. And each time, you blame your partner.

The more you feel your partner is in charge of your ability to find happiness, the more frustrated and out of control you are going to feel.

When men can look at themselves in the mirror and recognize, “I am part of the problem in my relationships”, they take the first steps towards breaking that relationship cycle.

2. Emotions are the Problem

Most men are taught that their own emotions are the problem.

From a very young age men are socialized to not express emotions. Some men become so adept at not expressing emotions that they soon believe they don’t have any emotions at all.

I remember sharing with a friend about the Pixar movie Inside Out where the main character in the film is portrayed as having five core emotions - joy, sadness, anger, fear, and disgust. My friend turned to me and said, “that’s four more emotions than I have!”

If you believe the lie that emotions are the problem, you will push your emotions down, suffer in silence, and believe you can carry on as if nothing ever happened.

And I get it. I don’t judge anyone or think less of them for doing it…I just know it doesn’t work. It may for a while, but eventually the emotions you are trying to ignore will find their way to the surface, and negatively impact your relationships and your life.

3. The Past Is In The Past

Oftentimes, putting our heads down, moving on, and putting one foot in front of the other is the only way men are taught to cope. Or it's the only response we're allowed to have.

If you are reacting with strong emotions like frustration, anxiety, criticism, self-loathing, etc., it’s a sign that something from your past is still having an impact on your life in the present.

The 3 Truths That Lead Men to Life

The above three lies lead men to experiencing frustration, feeling out of control, and leave men having difficulty in relationships.

But there’s hope.

Here are the three truths that lead men towards greater peace in relationships and with themselves.

I Am The One I’ve Been Waiting For.

In the end, our partners aren’t responsible for rescuing, fixing, completing us, or even making us happy.

Our culture loves romantic ideas about partners “saving” us and “completing” us. Just turn on the radio and you’ll hear what I mean.

But here’s the truth: ultimately, we are responsible for healing ourselves and for our own internal sense of peace and well-being. No one else can take on that responsibility.

Instead, all relationships, even incredibly toxic and unhealthy ones, can become our Teachers if we are open to it. When relationships become our Teachers, other people (even difficult ones) can help us gain clarity and insight about who we are, and where we have room to grow. It doesn’t mean we need to, or even should, stay in the relationship forever. But if we can see that relationship as having something to teach us moving forward, we won’t get stuck repeating the same patterns over and over.

2. My emotions are trying to protect me from pain

Our emotions attempt to keep us from experiencing underlying pain from our past.

When you recognize your emotions are actually trying to protect you the best way they know how, you can have compassion for them and soften towards them. When you soften towards emotions you previously bristle at,, your emotions will actually relax and trust they don’t need to be intense and on guard all the time because they know you understand them, and are listening to them.

A similar dynamic plays out all the time in interpersonal relationships. Lets say your partner tells you they’d like you to take out the trash and you completely ignore them. You don’t even acknowledge they’re speaking. In order to get your attention, they’re going to speak louder. Now they may walk up to you and tap you on the shoulder and say, ‘I need you to take out the trash.’ If you ignore them completely again, soon they may start shouting at you in order to get your attention.

We do the same thing with our emotions.

Anger, Anxiety, and other emotions are trying to get our attention. If we ignore them altogether, they will get louder and louder until they get our attention.

However, if we notice them and can acknowledge their presence early on and get curious about them, the emotions won’t feel the same need to increase in intensity.

Imagine if when your partner calmly asks you to take out the trash the first time you simply said,”I hear you and I recognize this is really important to you. I want you to know that having a clean house is really important to me to. I’m in the middle of a work meeting now, so, I can’t take out the trash at this moment, but I want you to know that I hear your request, and when the meeting is done in 20 minutes, I will take out the trash”.

Your partner wouldn’t get frustrated and upset, as long as you continue to stick to your word, right?

We can learn to do the same thing with our internal emotions as well.

3. Unburden the Past to Thrive in the Present

Our emotions are trying to protect past parts of ourselves that are in pain.

People think you can’t change the past, but in counseling, you actually can.

Through therapy, you can help heal the younger parts of yourself that still hold your pain, and affect your ability to thrive in relationships and experience inner calm.

Taking action and seeking personal growth is the first step towards building healthier relationships. And you can begin that process - today.

By equipping oneself with the necessary coping skills, men can help foster healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Understanding the importance of emotional intelligence, effective communication, self-awareness, and stress management can lead to positive transformations in personal connections.

To delve deeper into these essential coping skills and gain valuable insights into building stronger relationships, I invite you to watch the video titled "The 5 Coping Skills Every Man Needs to Know." This powerful resource will provide practical tools and strategies to help you navigate relationship challenges and foster a deeper connection with your partner.