Healing and The Breath
As a counselor, I have to say I get a kick out of all of the therapist cartoons that are out there. There are so many different variations on them, but, there are a few things that they basically all have in common that identifies them as therapist cartoons. They often have a diploma hanging on the wall, someone laying a couch, and someone (the therapist) sitting in a chair taking notes.
This stereotype shows how our culture thinks about therapists and mental health and is really revealing in a number of ways. Most importantly for this post, the assumption is that therapy is something that happens exclusively with our thoughts.
The client lies down and shares what they’re thinking, and the therapist comments on their thoughts…and…everyone seems to agree that that’s what happens in therapy and what therapy is all about. That image of the client laying on the couch to me symbolizes a kind of disconnect from the body - the head and thoughts are working and doing their thing, but the body might as well not even be there.
But, as it turns out, therapists (and our culture in general) are becoming increasingly aware that we’re not just thinking brains inconveniently located in bodies. Our entire bodies, in fact, play a much larger role in our mental health than we ever imagined.
Healing therefore, is not just about what happens in our thoughts, but also about what happens in our entire bodies.
This article focuses in particular on the healing power of the breath. You’ll learn about the breaths role in decreasing stress, and you’ll learn common breathing techniques that therapists teach in order to help your mental health, and also your spiritual health.
Breath, Burnout, and Stress
Let’s start with the breath and it’s roll in combating stress and burnout.
Emily and Amelia Nagoski’s book Burnout cites the use of breath as an incredibly effective tool.
Life as a human is stressful. That is, and has always been the case. But what has changed, according to the Nagoskis, is that the stressful situations we encounter no longer give us the easy opportunity to release the stress we build up.
Our ancestors would frequently run from or attack predators…which is incredibly stressful! But, after they escaped or killed the predator, they would run back to the village to celebrate with their community. There would be moments of incredible stress, followed by physical exertion and movement (which releases stress), followed by moments of elation.
Today we no longer have that same cycle of high intensity life or death moments, followed by extreme physical exertion (again, which helps to release the stress), followed by elation. Instead, we have small amounts of daily stress which build up over a period of weeks, months, and years…with no obvious way to release the stress or change our stressful environment.
The coworker that gets under your skin but you feel like you have to keep your mouth shut and act nice around…the emails that you can’t seem to keep up with…the daily messages of already occurring or impending catastrophe all over the globe…
It all creates constant low-grade stress that needs to be processed and moved through and released.
Breathing, according to the Nagoskis, is one of the best ways to help move through that built up stress in our bodies:
“Deep, slow breaths downregulate the stress response - especially when the exhalation is long and slow and goes all the way to the end of the breath, so that your belly contracts. Breathing is most effective when your stress isn’t that high, or when you just need to siphon off the very worst of the stress so that you can get through a difficult situation” (Emily and Amelia Nagoski, p.15)
So how exactly do you breathe in an effective way that reduces stress???
First, I’ll give you the classic, go-to breathing technique that counselors commonly share with clients. Then, I’ll share my own twist on it based on Susan McConnell’s Somatic IFS work.
Breathing Techniques
Square or Box Breathing
Counselors commonly teach something called “square breathing” or “box breathing”. Square breathing divides breathing into four different segments:
The inhale
A pause at the top of the inhale
The exhale
A pause at the bottom of the exhale
Each segment of the breath then gets the same number of counts. So, if you start with a count of 4…you inhale for 4 counts, pause and hold that breath for 4 counts, exhale for 4 counts, then pause at a full exhale an additional 4 counts.
Here’s a quick video that demonstrates it:
The number of counts is totally up to you, so feel free to play around with what feels right to you, but if you’re trying to calm yourself down or reduce stress, you’ll want to find a count that is long enough to slow everything down for yourself.
After a few times with a number, you can try increasing a count or two to try slowing your breath down a touch more, and see how that feels. For example, you might start with a count of 4 for each part of the box breath, then after a minute or so, move to a count of 5 or 6.
To add a bodily component, you can physically trace the shape of a square in the air with your finger as you breathe, so, UP for the inhale, ACROSS for the pause, DOWN for the exhale, and BACK ACROSS for the pause at the bottom.
Here are a few twists that you can also try:
For some people the pauses at the top and bottom of the breath are uncomfortable. If that’s you - that’s totally fine - you can simply cut those pauses out and breathe in for the number of counts and out for the number of counts that feels right. I guess it would technically be ‘line breathing’ instead of square breathing at that point?
For other people, it feels better to increase the count of the exhale/pause at the bottom. So, it could look like inhaling for 4, holding for 4, then exhaling for 6 and holding for 6. I guess technically it doesn’t create a square or box anymore, but, the most important thing isn’t the shape you’re creating, it’s how it feels to you. Lots of clients find this helpful.
Finally, if you need help using your breath to wake you back up from a freeze response rather than slow you down and destress you as I’ve previously mentioned, you can try spending more time inhaling than exhaling. (for example - inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale 2, hold 2).
Breathing into Parts
Square breathing or box breathing is a helpful coping skill to have in your toolbox. But as someone who draws heavily from IFS (Internal Family Systems) theory, I put a twist on it that I learned from Susan McConnell’s book on Somatic Internal Family Systems.
When we are experiencing strong emotions (anxiety, fear, stress, etc) in IFS theory, it’s because a part of us has stepped forward and is trying to get our attention (our anxious part, our fearful part, our frustrated part, our stressed part, whatever).
Our parts actually reside in different physical locations in our bodies.
That may sound weird initially (I know it did to me at first), but most people can locate where they feel their parts in their bodies with a little focused attention. Whatever strong emotion you’re experiencing, simply turn your attention towards that emotion and notice where in your body you are experiencing that emotion.
Maybe you feel your anxious part as a fluttering in your upper chest…
Maybe you feel your fearful part as a tingling in your hands and feet…
Maybe you feel your frustrated part as a tight knot in your stomach…
Our parts all exist physically within our bodies.
Once you notice where your part exists within your body, you can actually send the calming energy from your breath to that physical part of the body.
I remember when I took singing lessons for a few years just after college my voice teacher would always talk about breathing low - “all the way down into my feet”. The first few lessons I thought he was crazy…how can you breathe into your feet?! Over time however, I discovered that I too could feel my breath drop low in my body, all the way into my feet. So, this is the same concept, but instead of breathing deep for singing, we breathe deep and send the calming and healing energy of the breath into the Part that needs our attention.
Using one of the above examples, if you feel your frustration as a tight knot in your stomach, you’ll first connect with that frustrated part, and then begin to breathe in and out slowly, sending your breath and attention to that part in your stomach. If there’s a lot of energy in that area, it can help to purse your lips slightly and slow down your exhale, blowing out slowly almost as if blowing through a straw.
Breathe into the part, and just notice how the part feels as you send it the calming energy and attention of your breath.
Again, this works for parts even if they’re not physically located near your lungs. You can send your breath all the way out to your hands and feet, and all the way up to the top of your head.
Sometimes parts that are really activated can benefit from adding a component of touch in addition to our breath. In those cases you can simply place a hand or two where the part is, offering it the sensation of connection and being held…just as you would a child that is having trouble calming down.
It may happen quickly, or it may take a few minutes, but the part will respond positively to the caring breath and tender touch you send their way, often relaxing enough to share with you a little more about why they feel they need to act the way they do.
Setting An Intention With The Breath
There are lots of variations I’ve seen, and you may have as well, about setting an intention to your breath as a kind of brief meditation. The intention may be something like setting your focus on gratitude as you inhale, and then as you breathe out, breathing out frustration.
There are countless variations out there, and you can always make your own up based on what your system needs at the moment. Here are just a few options:
Breathe in gratitude / Breathe out frustration.
Breathe in compassion / Breathe out judgment.
Breathe in peace / Breathe out anger.
Breathe in love / Breathe out hate.
The formula, as you can tell, is to breathe in positive qualities, and to breathe out the negative qualities that you no longer want to hold onto.
This pairing of breath and intention ends up creating a meaningful connection between mind and body, but also with the renewing and healing resources that exist outside of the body as well. As I breathe in gratitude, compassion, peace, love, etc., I often pause to connect with my own understanding of the source of those attributes in the world. For you, it may come from God, the air, energy, Source…whatever you name it and however you understand it. Connecting with that external source of healing and breathing it into your body through the breath can be a powerful embodied experience.
Tonglen
Buddhist communities have come up with an interesting twist on setting intention with our breath, instead choosing to breath in the qualities we would traditionally breathe out, and then finding the inner resources to breathe out into the world, that which we would traditionally breathe in.
That feels really wordy as I write it. Here’s how Buddhist Monk Pema Chödrön describes it in her book Welcoming the Unwelcome:
“During each inhalation, you imagine you’re breathing in the unpleasant things you would normally reject. If you feel fear and don’t want to experience this feeling - the edgy, speed, nerve-racking, gnawing anxiety - instead of immediately jumping to get rid of it, you breathe it in. Instead of reacting against it, you welcome it and open to it. You breathe it into your heart, and as you continue to take it in during every in-breath, there’s a sense of your heart expanding and expanding” (p. 34).
This breathing in pain, or suffering, or fear, or anxiety, or illness, may seem counterintuitive at first. I remember first learning about it in Seminary and feeling my body tighten up at the thought of inhaling any more anxiety than I already had within me. I thought I was already at my maximum capacity!
But as I made space to breathe in that which I feared, I felt a sense of deep connection with humanity. I was reminded that I was not the only one in the world to experience anxiety, and as I made room to connect with others who were experiencing it as well, and made space for it in my body, I could feel my own body open to it and make room to receive it with compassion and understanding, instead of pushing it away in fear.
Chödrön continues:
“Each time we exhale, we imagine sending other beings all the beneficial and pleasurable things we normally desire for ourselves…you can send others universal qualities that everyone could use, such as kindness, well-being, relaxation, and warmth” (p. 40).
What would it look like to reverse the previously mentioned meditations, breathing in the unpleasant and making room for it inside you, and sending out to others those qualities that you also desire for yourself?:
Breathe in frustration / Breathe out gratitude.
Breathe in judgment / Breathe out compassion.
Breathe in anger / Breathe out peace.
Breathe in hate / Breathe out love.
What’s Now?
Hopefully this gave you just a glimpse at some of the ways you can incorporate breath intentionally into your own mental health and wellness routine.
Breathing techniques are incredibly effective, can help reduce anxiety and stress, and can help connect you to yourself, others, the planet, and your own spirituality as well.
However, even as breathing techniques are an important part of our own mental, emotional, and spiritual health - they definitely don’t comprise the entirety of it, and that’s where a trained, licensed counselor can help.
Sometimes we just need a little more support than we’re able to receive through our breath alone at this exact moment.
Whether you’re struggling with stress, anger, anxiety, depression, trauma, childhood wounds…I can help you gain clarity around what’s happening within you, but also help you experience the healing necessary to help you find, and live from, your true Self.
Are you ready for the next step???
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