A New Way to Understand Addiction
History is full of these really wonderful moments where everyone seems to agree on the best way to do something…and then, suddenly, a new idea or concept or technology comes along and everything changes.
One of my favorite examples that I go to a lot is actually from the track and field world: the Fosbury Flop.
Back in the 60’s, high jumpers used to land in sand pits instead of the thick foam matting that they do today. It meant that high jumpers had to both clear the bar, and be aware of how they were going to land in order to prevent injury. But, once thick foam matting was introduced, high jumpers no longer had to worry about how they were landing…the padding would soften their fall.
This led to Dick Fosbury popularizing the Fosbury Flop - an acrobatic back bending high jump where Fosbury would land directly on his back on the padding after jumping over the bar. The technique won him the gold medal in the 1968 summer olympics. Here’s a quick clip of him in action from the 1968 olympics:
The Fosbury Flop took off, and is still what high jumpers use to this day.
People had done it before him here and there, but he was the guy who really put it on the map and changed the sport of high jump forever. Before him there were a number of different techniques used in the sport…but after him, there would only be one. High jump as a sport totally shifted in that moment, and for the better - the Fosbury Flop allowed people to reach heights that had previously been impossible.
I think we’re at a similar watershed moment in terms of how we understand, make sense of, and treat addictions right now.
The moment has arrived for a new way of thinking about, treating, and understanding addiction to take hold.
Addiction Models: Moral Failure and Disease Models
Moral Failure
Up until the early 20th century the prominent view of addiction was that it was an individual moral failure. Any struggle with alcohol or substance abuse was a sign you were weak, a failure, and lacked necessary willpower to abstain from substances. Addiction was viewed as a personal failure.
Echoing our broader American cultural values of rugged individualism and self-reliance, viewing addiction as a moral failure meant that people basically just needed to pick themselves up by their bootstraps and stop using.
Essentially, the model amounts to telling people “if you want to stop using, you just stop using”.
It definitely has a very straightforward logic to it, and again, really appeals to American values…but…this definitely does not resonate with the experience of most people with addiction issues. Anyone struggling with addiction will tell you how they have tried to stop using many times before, and yet they seem to fail time and time again. They can feel utterly and totally powerless in the face of their addiction despite their best attempts. And perhaps as a reaction against the idea that addiction is a moral failure, a new way of conceptualizing and thinking about addiction - the disease model, was born.
The Disease Model
By the 1930’s and the advent of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), the moral model was replaced by the disease model. This was a huge step forward. Rather than viewing people struggling with addiction as lazy, failures, or lacking willpower, the disease model viewed addiction as just that, a disease.
In the same way you wouldn’t blame someone who had a cancer diagnosis for having cancer, you wouldn’t blame someone with addiction issues for their disease.
Addiction wasn’t a character defect…it was a disease.
First off, I don’t want to criticize or critique AA or the disease model, because for many people the disease language really resonates with them, and has provided a framework to understand themselves and others with a sense of compassion.
If this model works for you, and it is helping you, or has helped others who you know - that’s great. Go with what works for you.
But, here is another way of conceptualizing addiction that doesn’t see people as lazy or moral failures, but also doesn’t see addiction as resulting from a debilitating chronic disease that a person will always live with:
Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Addiction
Both the moral model and the disease model assume that the part of you that wants to engage in addictive behavior is messed up in some way.
If addiction is a disease, then, the part of you that continues to use addictive substances is diseased. Usually people believe there’s something wrong or bad about that ‘addictive part’ they have inside.
One of the core beliefs of IFS that I hold to however, is that there are actually no bad parts within us.
First off, this idea goes completely against everything we’ve been told about not only addictions, but about all kinds of parts of ourselves that we’ve been told are bad and defective. So, if you’re wondering how our addictive parts aren’t bad when they bring so much pain and suffering into our life - I hear you - and that’s where we’re headed:
People present to counseling with the idea that the ‘addictive part’ in them is completely bad and terrible and they want it to disappear altogether. They try to fight the addictive part, or lecture it and tell it it needs to stop using, or guilt and shame it to stop using. All of this lecturing and shaming and parenting to try to get the ‘addictive part’ to stop, is, it turns out, actually another part of us! This new part that takes over and tries to run the show and get rid of the ‘addictive part’ is what we can call a ‘critical manager’. It sounds like a great name right, because the critical manager is desperately trying to manage the addictive part.
The critical manager tells the ‘addictive part’ inside us that it’s not welcome here, that it does nothing good at all, and that it needs to disappear altogether. The critical manager sees all the terrible problems that the addictive part causes - the heartache, the loss of money, the loss of friendships, the loss of jobs and family…the critical manager just wants all of that to stop.
The manager views the addictive part as a huge problem to be controlled (and a lot of counselors view it that way too actually!)
But this is actually not how the addictive part often views their own role at all. The addictive part sees the critical manager as the one with the problem. From the addictive part’s perspective, it is actually trying to help the situation!
When the addictive part uses alcohol, or drugs, or whatever, it is often doing so to try to be honest about, and deal with, the intense stress and anxiety that you’re experiencing. From the addictive part’s perspective, the critical managing part that just wants to stay sober and keep going and tough it out isn’t being honest about what’s really happening inside of you.
The addictive part thinks it’s the only one that recognizes that sometimes you need a break from all the pain, anxiety, depression, stress…all of it! The addictive part is trying to help you take that break and give you a moment to just breathe and forget about your problems the best way it knows how.
Both the addictive part and the managing part view the other part as the problem…the one that just doesn’t get it, and that needs to be stopped. Both view their own role as the one that makes sense and is trying to actually help the situation.
I think honestly, the way a lot of people conceive of addictions amounts to trying to help the critical manager to overpower the addictive part.
But that doesn’t solve the problem in the long run…because the addiction part is not bad or wrong - it’s trying to help you deal with intense emotions that you don’t know how else to deal with right now. Both parts are trying to help the only way they know how.
So…what do you do???
Dealing with Internal Polarization
This tension between the addictive part and the critical managing part is called, in IFS, a polarization.
In a polarization, both parts in the binary see the other part as the problem, and, as each part tries to get rid of the other; they become more and more extreme.
The contemporary political divide in our country is a great example of a polarization. Each side views the other as an existential threat. Both sides think the other has nothing to offer and is completely backwards. As each side digs in, the other takes on an even more extreme position.
Nobody thinks this current polarization is working well for our country, and likewise, the extreme polarization of the addictive part and critical managing part doesn’t work well for someone struggling with addiction either.
Most of the time, our tendency is to side with the managing part, and try to gang up on the addictive part. That won’t work in the long run.
What a polarization needs isn’t for someone to come in and declare a winner and a loser…that doesn’t work, and only makes the losing side more upset and more extreme. If we continue to declare out addictive parts losers and the critical managing parts winners, the addictive part digs in and gets more extreme.
A polarization doesn’t need a judge…it needs a mediator.
Most people assume the counselor steps in to be the mediator, but the reality is, it’s the client…you yourself…that steps into that role.
Here’s how therapy with polarizations works:
When you are ready, you approach each part in the polarization with genuine curiosity to learn how they are working and why they are doing the things they do, and have the other part in the polarization listen in.
It’s sort of like a couples therapy session, but it’s all happening inside of you between the addictive part and the critical manager!
Once you develop a genuine curiosity towards each part, and a sense of recognition and compassion for how hard each side is working, the other side in the polarization usually is able to learn something new and gain a new perspective.
The client helps each side of the polarization recognize that going it alone and trying to get rid of the other part hasn’t actually worked well in the past.
Eventually both parts tentatively agree that the way forward is to take a step back and let the client actually lead.
The addictive part is able to step back and let you lead and to trust you since it feels you understand how it’s trying to help in a new way. The critical manager also steps back to let you lead because it senses that you are trying to do what is best for everyone, and aren’t going to let the addictive part, or the critical part take over anymore…instead you’re going to work in a way that is best for everyone.
But there’s more…
Healing Exiles Within
There’s another part that we haven’t heard from or mentioned up to this point. A part that is not the addictive part, or the critical manager - and that is the part that both the addictive part and the manager part are trying so desperately to protect.
This part is a younger wounded or hurt part of yourself. IFS calls them Exiles.
You may have an idea right now of what that part is, or you may not know who I’m talking about…but this hurt part is there, and it is stuck living out a painful memory from a previous time in your life.
It’s a lot like a .gif in some ways…a part of you is just stuck replaying the same painful scene from your past over and over again…trapped in the tragic memory.
The addictive part has actually been trying to help you by trying to give you a break from having to experience the exile’s pain that keeps trying to get your attention.
The manager part has also been trying to help you by pushing onward, telling everyone it needs to move forward and quit living in the past and get over it and keep going.
But neither of those ways are ultimately helping heal the exile and the pain they are stuck experiencing right now.
When the managing part and the addicting part agree to tentative step back and let You lead, they will also be willing to take you to this wounded exile within.
When you are able to be with your exile with the same compassion and curiosity that you’ve already shown for the addictive part and the managing part, this wounded part will be healed.
People always say you can’t heal the past.
While it’s true that we can’t go back in time physically and change our circumstances, we can go back in time psychologically and heal those younger parts of ourselves that are stuck living out those painful memories in real time today.
Maybe your exile needs you to go be with them in a way no one else ever was…but in a way you can be now.
Maybe your exile needs you to fight for them and stand up for them in a way no one else did…but in a way you can now.
After they feel your compassion and connection and courage, they will be able to move on.
Instead of being trapped in that scene that brings them so much pain, they’ll finally be able to move on with their own lives. They may join you in the present and live life with you, they may go hang out on a beach, they may go play on the playground like they never got to growing up…whatever it they want to do, they’ll be free to do it, and let go of the painful energy they are carrying with them.
When that happens, the addictive part and the critical manager will be freed as well…because they’ve both been working hard to try to manage the pain of the exile. But when the exile is freed, they are freed as well.
And that’s what true healing from addiction can look like.
Are you ready for the next step???
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