Should a man see a male therapist?
Maybe you (or a male that you know), has been thinking about seeing a mental health counselor for months, or even years. Maybe you’re partner or family has been subtly (or not so subtly) suggesting you see a counselor for what seems like ages, and you’ve realized that it’s finally time…
You’re ready to see a therapist.
But I’m sure as you know, actually finding someone that is a good fit for you can be more difficult than you’d think.
Ending up with a counselor that is a “bad fit” can easily leave you feeling uncomfortable and give you the false impression that “therapy isn’t for me”.
Finding the right fit really does matter.
One of the most common questions that gets asked by men seeking a counselor is, should a man see a male therapist?
There are a lot of blog articles written out there about this topic that are basically just random musings based on no evidence or scientific research whatsoever. This post is going to draw from actual research to give you insights about whether a man should see a male therapist.
I’m going to look at a 2002 study involving over 2000 men that provides a pretty clear answer to that exact question - should a man see a male therapist.
Do Men Prefer Male or Female Counselors?
You may think intuitively that all men would prefer to see a male therapist…but that’s not actually the case.
The above referenced study found that men as a whole actually prefer male and female counselors equally.
Quick note: It’s worth just mentioning that both the authors of the study and I are aware that for both counselors and clients, gender exists outside the male and female binary. However one of the decisions of those creating the study was to utilize a male-female binary for the purposes of their research, and so because of the limitation of the data that I am referencing and pulling from, I’ll be using gender as a male-female binary for the purposes of this article as well. Okay, back to the article:
To be more exact, around 60% of men don’t have any preference for whether they see a male or a female counselor. The study also found that of the remaining 40% of respondents, preference for male or female counselors was split almost exactly down the middle (19.1% preferring male and 20.4% preferring female).
But that doesn’t mean that the gender of the therapist doesn’t matter for an individual male seeking counseling.
It does.
The research in the study reveals that men are much more satisfied with therapy when they see a therapist of the gender they prefer.
Interestingly enough, in both the case of when a man preferred a female counselor but actually saw a male counselor, or in the case where they preferred a male counselor but actually saw a female counselor, men had the same complaint about their experience - they felt emasculated and like “less of a man”.
When a man feels emasculated in therapy because they’re seeing a therapist of a different gender than the one they prefer, their satisfaction in therapy is much lower.
Here it is again:
It’s incredibly important to see a therapist of the gender you prefer.
Why Do Some Men Prefer Male Therapists?
Statistically, in order to have the highest satisfaction in therapy, a man that prefers a male therapist should be seeing a male therapist.
But why do some men prefer male therapists?
This is a really interesting question.
The above referenced study found that there are actually three groups of men that statistically prefer to see male therapists:
Undergraduate degree educated men
Non-heterosexual men
Men that consider themselves ‘more masculine’
That doesn’t mean that you personally should see a male therapist if you fall in one of these groups, or that you personally should see a female counselor if you are not in one of these groups. It’s just that statistically, these three groups are the most likely to prefer a male therapist. And again, the research shows that men have the highest satisfaction in therapy when they are able to see a therapist of their preferred gender.
What’s also interesting is that the top reasons men prefer male therapists are also the reason they prefer female therapists.
An Empathetic/Comforting Therapist
The number one reason that men that prefer male therapists do so is because they believe “men are more empathetic/comforting” and they will be “more comfortable opening up” than with a female provider.
If you’re a man questioning whether or not you should see a male therapist, one of the most important questions you can ask yourself is, “Am I more comfortable opening up to a man, or a woman?”
For each one of us given our own lived history, and what we’re coming to therapy to work through, that answer is going to look different.
For example, I often work with men who have cheated on their female partners/wives. One of the reasons that they prefer to work with me as a man is their perception that as a male therapist I will be non-judgmental about their infidelity. They believe a female therapist would be more critical or judgmental of them because the female therapist shares the same sex as the person they cheated on.
The important thing here is that these men seeking therapy are able to recognize that they will be able to feel more comfortable sharing honestly with a male therapist, and they listened to that intuition.
There are other topics that the men I see have mentioned feeling more comfortable talking to a male therapist about too. Speaking about sexuality or pornography, drug use, anger…these are all issues my clients have mentioned just feeling more comfortable talking to a male therapist about.
If you’re a male seeking therapy - there’s no right or wrong or ‘better’ gender of a therapist to seek out in general, it all comes down to being honest with yourself, and finding someone you will feel comfortable being open and honest with.
Someone Who Understands You/Can Relate To You
The second reason that the men who prefer male therapists do so is that they believe their male therapist will better understand them or relate to them.
In fact, men in the study were three times more likely to cite that having a male therapist that understood them and could relate to them was more important than men who preferred female therapists were to say the same about female therapists.
So are therapists of the same gender more relatable?
I had the unique opportunity during my counseling internship in graduate school to do co-counseling with a female supervisor. Basically her and I would both do counseling with a client at the same time (two for the price of one!). Even though we were both present in the room and could talk at any point, what would usually happen over time is that one of us would naturally talk more with certain clients, while the other one would naturally talk more with others.
I have to say, I feel like there was a small but perceptible difference when she was interacting with female clients than when I did.
I think the actual work of therapy looked pretty similar, but the kind of talk at the beginning and end of the session was definitely different. Female clients made small talk with my female supervisor about things like menstruation and birthing and mothering and would laugh and connect about shared female experiences that I have not had…and…female clients definitely don’t tend to share those same parts of themselves with me as a male therapist.
We would still connect, but it was around different things than my supervisor would with her female clients..
How much of that is about me as a new therapist and my own inability to help the female clients feel at ease, and how much of that is about my presentation as a male, I don’t know.
I don’t think it necessarily means the female clients had better outcomes from therapy when they connected with my female supervisor, but it was a really interesting thing to notice.
Again - there’s no right or wrong gender to see, statistically both male and female therapists have been shown to be effective therapists, the important thing is finding a therapist that matches your preferred gender, if you have one.
Bringing it all together
To bring it all together and summarize for you what I’ve talked about in this blog post:
Male clients report highest satisfaction in therapy when they see a therapist of the gender they would prefer to see.
Men who prefer male therapists do so because they believe that they will a) be more comfortable with a man, and b) that a man will be able to understand and relate to them more.
If you are a man seeking a therapist - search for a therapist of the gender you prefer, who you feel comfortable with, and who you feel understands and relates to you.
Many men seeking therapy are looking for coping skills to help bring their anxiety, anger, or other strong emotions down a notch when they begin to become overwhelming.
Don’t worry, I got you covered.
Check out my free video below - The Five Coping Skills Every Man Needs to Know
